What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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