Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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