hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
