And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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