Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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