i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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