I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
