i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
