dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
