also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
