dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize