So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Nicole vs. Life
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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