O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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