Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
