dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
