she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
