uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize