Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
