I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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