you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
