sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
