I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
