ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
