I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
