Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
