My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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