I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
