no, he came in my armpit
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
