I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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