You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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