You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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