On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
