In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
