its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
