I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
