I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
