I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
