she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
