Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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