i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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