You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
