Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you had me at cake vodka
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
