textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
