Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The adults are the big ones right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
