No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
