I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
