My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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