bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
