True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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