dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
