He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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