Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
