Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
