Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
