i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
