So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
