we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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