I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
