the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
