We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
