is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
