He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
