Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
