Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
