So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize