and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
