you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
