New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize