Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
