I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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