Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
