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the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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