I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
