my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize