it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
