I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
