brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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