So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
