No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize