Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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