its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
