I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize
