dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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