somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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