dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So vagazzling was a success
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
