So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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