I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
