i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
