pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize